the pacific northwest

though i have been fortunate to travel in america as far west as the coast of california and as far north as northern vermont, i have never visisted the summation of those two directions, namely the pacific northwest. it may seem odd, then, that i also happen to be obsessed with a corner of the nation i have never actually witnessed. in my heady teen years, i decided that it was seattle or bust after high school. i had put together in my mind a veritable wonderland of water, evergreens, towering peaks, gray skies, coffee shops. i would head there and start a really awesome indie rock band, maybe dye my hair green, and paint pictures with other likeminded souls. those who had visited seattle, like my sister, my cousin, friends, etc. said the place looked like it was right up my alley. so it was decided. that is where i would go.

my college application process followed the logic of pinning the tail on the donkey. so i applied to the university of puget sound,located in tacoma (for some reason not to the university of washington in seattle), among ten other places. i was accepted, but ultimately turned down the offer once i was informed school outside the lovely state of north carolina would not be funded by the higher ups. so i shrugged and told myself after college would be the time-- the apple in front of the dumb horse.

now, i am not sure if i will ever go up there. i almost don't want to. i am afraid. i am afraid that this place i had felt so strongly about, had constructed so well in mind would not meet my lofty expectations. i would get up there and it would be just like other places, i wouldn't start a band and i would work a desk job or whatever.

i may never get to seattle, but i guess i can always think of what it would be like to go there. i can always tell myself that one day when things are different, i will march that yellow brick road just like lewis & clark did and look down from the spaceneedle and see a kingdom of dreary perfection where i will write books and cure all the world's ills.

i think these kinds of places are important. somewhere that you may never really see but can imagine and create to be however you want it to be. maybe its the old grass is greener on the other side kind of thing. but i guess it's not so bad.