3: smells like teen spirit-- nirvana

this song came close (very close) to not making it on the list at all. while most of the songs here were ordered by a gutfeeling/streamofconsciousness type of decision making, this song began on the outside and i kept thinking about it and thinking about it and it kept inching its way to number three on the list. and this song does deserve this position despite my initial reluctance to put it here.

i should explain why my first impulse did not accept this song with open arms. it has to do with overexposure, both self-inflicted and on a more global scale. i felt that it was too cliche for someone who had grown up in the shadow of 1991/generation x to include this song in a list of songs that had changed their life. so much has been said and written about this song, even sixteen years after its first appearance, that i began to feel that it didnt have much of a legitimate place in my life. it felt like something outside of me. even now, on the rarer and rarer occasions that i put on 'nevermind,' i will skip over this song and listen to the rest of it.

but then i started thinking back. to that time in 3rd grade when one of my friends brought 'nevermind' on the bus when we were on a field trip, and not that i even remember the music, but i do remember how funny i thought it was that there was a naked baby on the cover. i remember watching mtv with my babysitter shortly after kurt cobain had died and being really fascinated and puzzled by it all. i remember how it was still cool in 5th grade to sing songs off 'nevermind' while we rode bikes around the neighborhood. i remember how i would borrow this cd from a friend while on church retreats (and feel like a hardened rebel even though i was still afraid of buying the album myself because my parents might see the cover). and the list goes on. and i could not think of many periods in my life where this band and this song had not had an impact on me. i cannot even remember the exact moment i heard this song first, but it seems like it has always been there.

this song grew to represent a very complex set of things to me. it was rebellion, coolness, mystery. it became a representation of purity, youth, bygone days. it seemed like possibility, the apex of generational spirit, art. it stretched out to death, anger, rage. it became a monumental monster in my mind. as i aged, i kept longing for another song to come along and do what i believed (and had heard) this song did: break down walls, disrupt the status quo, win one for the good guys. i shudder to think of myself (and the world) without this song. while such sentiments feel dated to me now, i still can appreciate what this song actually was: a sharp, heavy mix of pop and hard rock that has the ability to make hearts run aflutter. and i do believe this song, this band, this album belong in a different category all together. in a glass case somewhere. and even when this song doesn't boom from my stereo speakers for months and months, i will still know what it did for me and for millions of others. and i guess that's pretty cool.